Tawny's Thoughts

Saddest Blog Yet

2011-12-31T01:15:00.000-06:00

I suppose it is time. I've been avoiding it. I've been thinking somehow this made it even more official. Not really sure....
A lot of people know, but I know there are a lot of others who don't. How do you tell a mass amount of people something like this? In our media age, do I send handwritten letters to everyone who I care about, but haven't exactly talked to in person in the last few months? I don't know. I don't even know if it's appropriate to blog, but this is my way of avoiding that awkward conversation that inevitably arises when I run into someone or they see something "strange" going on.
I'm extremely sad to write that Nick and I are getting divorced. It is incredibly tragic and a loss I cannot begin to describe. We've been separated for over 6 months and Kya and I have actually moved to Lampasas in the hill country were I was able to get an elementary teaching position.
There is a reason God doesn't like divorce; the division of two joined together, should not be separated and at times has felt like losing all my appendages would have been easier and less painful. Our loving Father does not like his children in this kind of pain.
I will refrain from salacious details as it is quite honestly, private and out of regard towards Nick. He is Kya's father and I will always try my hardest to respect and protect that.
I just ask for prayer. The Lord is close to the broken-hearted and I know His everlasting, loving arms have been around Kya and me during this time! However, there seems no happy ending to this and no child should ever have to go through this. Please pray for Kya, that her spirit is strengthened and protected, that she will rise on wings of eagles and not stumble because of this. Please also pray that Nick and I will act in the fruits of the spirit during this extremely hard time.
blessings, tawny
James 1:2-4
2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
1 Peter 5:10
10 And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. 11 To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.

Lazy Days of Summer Sewing

2011-06-13T03:50:00.000-05:00

I love to sew...like LOVE to sew! You'd think if I loved something so much, I'd be doing it all the time, but no, I don't do it near enough. I over-analyze every stitch and usually my OCD tendencies and perfectionism get the best of me and I scrap my half done project. Seriously, I have a stack of "almost completed" projects. It's quite ridiculous.
SSSOOOOO....this is my goal for the summer: I am going to sew at least five days of the week all summer (unless I am out of town). Here are the rules I've made for myself:
1) No nit-picking and critiquing. NONE! I'm going to be happy with what I produced and not tear it apart no matter how much it might kill me.
2) It can be simple hand stitching to taking a couple of days using an advanced pattern as long as I'm doing something sewing related!
3) (This is the hardest one)I have a little bit of a fabric addiction, like should probably attend an FA meeting if available. A couple of years ago when I first started sewing, I was given 11 trash bags full of fabric. (Check out my fabric armoir that really is organized...sorta

I have way too much of it, so here's my third rule....No fabric buying UNLESS it is from a thrift store or garage sale (those are the best vintage finds anyway, right?). I will allow the occasional notion, but that's it! I'm going to use what I've got and just try to be as creative as possible.

Here's the first week's results.

Monday- I actually sewed about twenty flags for a lady from church running a summer boy scout camp. I didn't get a pic, because they would be seriously boring!

Tuesday- Bathroom Curtains (Can't break rule #1, though I try not to cringe every time I go in the bathroom)

Wednesday- Yo-Yo's (Super easy, hand sewn and perfect for throwing on bows, etc.)

Thursday- Pillowcase Dress for Ms. Kya (used from a long ago thrift store find, fabric scraps from the apron I made Tiffany, and the camera strap I made for Jade). Kya specifically asked for pockets (because she loves finding coins, rocks, various small toys and putting them in her pockets only for me to remember as they are clanking in the dryer).

*Yep, that was the best picture I could get of my silly girl in her dress

Here's a hairpiece/bow I made for her out of the extra scraps and my bow stash. Sadly enough, this thing took me probably twice as long as the dress.

Friday-A matching dress for Kya's "baby". She was over the moon excited to have a matching dress with her cabbage patch kid. I had no idea! She's already requested more. Seriously, my rule number one would have been out the window with this one, but Kya's joy made it feel like I'd spent a hundred bucks. The baby even got her own bow (yeah, that might be actually some of the OCD coming out again in me.)

How cute are they together?

There you have it. I'm hoping by blogging it, my goal will be that much more attainable. I'm also hoping some of my sewing girlfriends will want to do this too (ahem...Addie). I'm making a little list of easy /fast sews and gifts I need to make, so that I won't have an excuse one day of not knowing what to make.
Hopefully, I'll become a better seamstress and FINALLY get some much needed gifts out!

Dear Rolly Polly's Residing in my Backyard (or various parks we visit)

2011-05-12T09:41:00.000-05:00

My sincerest apologies on your possible demise! The three year old knows not what she does, she means no harm. You see the the child that used to loathe all bugs, now has a fondness for them. Not just a fondness, but an unadulterated love for all crawling creatures! If she sees you, she will pick you up, hug you, squeeze you, rock you, and sing to you. You will not survive this love fest and she will be deeply saddened and somehow shocked about this. It is an unbridled joy that cannot be contained and actually quite sweet.
So, here's my advice to you: If you hear the high pitched giggles, get away as fast as your tiny legs will take you, lest you become Kya's latest victim.
You have been warned!

In Case you Hadn't Heard the Big News...

2011-05-02T23:29:00.000-05:00

I know it's probably on everybody's mind and it's really HUGE news...
well, it was to me.
Did you know that now Nutella -everyone's favorite Hazelnut butter- is now in a large family size.
Technically, I don't really need a "family size" of Nutella because I'm the only one who eats it (yeah, I don't let Kya eat delicious pieces of heaven such as Nutella, because I feel sure she'd never go back to the all natural organic ~~crap~~ peanut butter she normally gets); but I just couldn't resist buying it.
Just thought I'd share the joyous news with everyone!
Blessings!

Hoppy Easter

2011-04-19T14:25:00.001-05:00

Being the God fearing woman I am...or like to think I am...or rather strive to be...okay moving on; I have been trying to teach my three year old the importance of Easter (we went through all of this at Christmas as well).
I am of the mind frame to still enjoy the festivities of a holiday (Easter bunny, Santa, gifts, egg hunts, etc.); however, it's vital to me that Ms. Kya knows the real reasons of all the seasons.
So, after talking to her about why we celebrate Easter and letting her watch a couple of Easter VeggieTales, figured it was in the bag.

This was our conversation:
Me: Kya, why do you think we celebrate Easter?
Kya: EASTER EGGS!
Me: Uh, no.
Kya: Hmmm..jelly beans.
Me: No, no quite.
Kya: I don't know
Me: It's all about Jesus!
Kya: Oh. Ok.

Two minutes later

Me: Kya, why do we celebrate Easter?
Kya:(Triumphantly)THE EASTER BUNNY!!!!

Grown Up? Questionable

2011-02-15T10:10:00.004-06:00

For the past twenty minutes, this is what I've been doing. Playing with, ahem....I mean organizing Kya's dollhouse. The toddler is asleep, yet here I am making sure all parts of the doll family were in their respective places. It didn't dawn on me that no self respecting thirty something-ish woman should be playing with a dollhouse...alone, until I found myself saying aloud, "Man, I really need a couch and possibly a bookshelf".
And yes, this is my entrance back into the blog world.

An Homage to Toddler Tantrums

2010-01-24T13:21:00.000-06:00

Let Her Cry
(Sung to the tune of Patty Griffin's, Let Him Fly)

Ain't no talking to this child
She has a pretty other side
Ain't no way to understand all the tricks she tries
It would take an acrobat, I've already tried all that
I'm gonna let her cry

Tears can move at such a pace
When we tell the Wiggles "bye"
You know there's marker on her face, but you can't recall just when or why
There's really something to a fit
I just want to cuss right through it
I said, I'm gonna let her cry

There's no mercy in toddlers
No rest at all in tantrums
Of the choices we are given, reasoning's no choice at all
The proof is in the outcome, if you break before she gets her way
But you must enjoy her naptime, or your mind will blow

And there ain't no talking to this child
They've been trying to tell me so
It took a while to understand the beauty of just saying "no"
'Cause her pitch can sound just like a bat, I'm already immune to that
I'm gonna let her cry
I'm gonna let her cry
I'm gonna let her cry

**This was created on a day when Kya decided to try every "terrible 2" move in the book. She's back to her usual sweet self now...most of the time.**
**The above picture was taken by Jennifer Lankford (portraitsbyjenn.com) and I feel rather sick that I love this picture so much, when clearly my child is unhappy. She just looks so cute though!**

Fa-la-la-la

2009-12-10T13:48:00.000-06:00

To say the last month has been not so great would be a tragic understatement. However,I know that there is still so much good God has to offer us and joy has been such a gift from my Father that I don't want to ever lose sight of.
My piano students have begun their Christmas music and it is so much fun to watch their enthusiasm! I absolutely am brought back to when I first started to play Christmas music and wanted to play every song I knew. One of my students, Maddie, started her Christmas music at the end of September because she really could not wait! I told her she knew that it doesn't put her in more favor with Santa if you start your Christmas cheer early.
I've actually found myself humming and singing again...and it's Christmas music.
I've composed two lists of my ALL TIME FAVORITE CHRISTMAS MUSIC!!!

Traditional:

10) Joy to the World
9) What Child is This?
8) The Holly and the Ivy
7) The Most Wonderful Time of the Year
6) Angels We Have Heard On High
5) Do You Hear What I Hear?
4) O Come, O Come Emmanuel
3) Carol of the Bells
2) O Holy Night (I like the very traditional version, but love Barlow Girl's too)
1) Go Tell It On The Mountain

Non-Traditional:

10) Breath of Heaven (Mary's Song)
9) Face of love-Jewel
8) Mary Did You Know?
7) Last Christmas-Wham!
6) All I Want For Christmas is Us-Jason Mraz
5) Mele Kalikimaka-Jimmy Buffet
4) The Night Before Christmas-Amy Grant
3) Grown Up Christmas List-Amy Grant (Yeah, you should probably just buy this c.d.)
2) When My Heart Finds Christmas-Harry Connick, Jr.
1) I Celebrate the Day-Reliant K (With Lyrics, "And the first time that You opened Your eyes did You realize that You would be my Savior, And the first breath that left Your lips did You know that it would change this world forever", how could you not love it?)

Now, I want your lists. There are so many songs I'm sure I forgot. So, if you wouldn't mind adding them to the comments section.
I made a playlist of all these songs at the bottom of this blog. (I'll add yours too)
Also, on Itunes for this week (December 8-15), they have a free Christmas album of about 20 songs with every type of song. Ranging from traditional, mariachi, country, and for bluegrass fans, an Auld Lang Sine for you!
EnJOY!!!

Love to all of you!
Merry Christmas!

Joe: Servent of the Lord, Father, Son, Fiancee, Friend, and Navy Pilot

2009-11-18T18:14:00.000-06:00

This was an email I sent out a little while ago concerning Joe.

The Coast Guard found Joe's body today in the cockpit of his plane about 40 feet deep in the water. I don't really have much more detail than that.

This past Friday and Saturday, I was overwhelmed in sadness and questions. I just could not understand why God was not hearing the cry of thousands or letting the Houston family and Jenn (his fiance) wait in such agony. On my knees in worship Sunday morning I was crying out and praying for the Houstons, Jenn, Asher (his son), and all those who could be turned away from the Lord because a miracle was not being seen. I was then overwhelmed, flooded, and humbled by the whisper of the Lord confirming in me that Joe's family and beloved were going to be okay. Better than okay. They were going to be such a pillar of His strength, mercy, and love. They were going to change the world as we know it. Then, a peace of knowing that there was no place in this entire universe Joe would rather to be than embracing his savior, his God, his friend. How could I be mad? How could I question? I was embarrassed I had done so.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28) Joe loved God more than anything in the world! We don't understand why Joe's purpose was to leave earth so young (he was to turn 30 tomorrow), we don't understand a two time deployed soldier dies needlessly on U.S. grounds, we don't understand why his child will be without an amazing father, we don't understand when parents have to bury their children, we don't understand why he wasn't allowed to meet his fiancee sooner and have a beautiful marriage before this time. The list could go on and on, but God's ways are not our ways. Sometime this past year, Joe sent an email praying Psalm 120 over his son. I would encourage everyone to read it, it's pretty powerful.

I sought Joe's guidance a couple months ago in a spiritual matter on suffering and I think it's an appropriate time to quote him: "While I am not a glutton for punishment, I believe suffering is absolutely necessary in this life to guide us toward dependence, growth in discipline, and a hope of things to come. The world is supposed to be a crappy place so that we can find life in our hope through faith of the day we will be delivered from this temporary place and taken to our Father. I would not be the man I am today without the intense and regular suffering that I have been subjected to ...I am forever grateful to my Father for His lessons, discipline, gentleness, and sense of humor."

How could you not love a guy with such a beautiful heart?

So, why did a bunch of people send and spend their money, prayers, food, and precious time over something that had already been finished? Why did God not answer to a miracle that thousands upon thousands prayed for? Wouldn't His glory be revealed so much more through a miracle? I can't answer that, but I do know that the Lord did some amazingly awesome things throughout the past three weeks. His signs and wonders never ceased!!! People's lives were changed, people's hearts were softened and opened to God, the saints were in unison in praises their King-what music to His ears! We may not see the miracles, but we trust they are there because we have a miraculous God! Jehova Elyon (Lord most high)!

I would be remiss if I didn't tell you that I am grief stricken. My heart is despondent for the loss his family has endured. I'm distraught that I don't get to hear Joe laugh or give wisdom and that I won't get to be at his wedding or see him father more awesome children. I can't imagine what his family is going through. Please keep praying for them. Nahum 1:7 says, "The LORD is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him."
"Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted". (Matt. 5:4).

What an amazing comfort and peace his family and friends have knowing EXACTLY were Joe is. There is no doubt, no question, Joe Houston is in his spiritual body among the heavens having a blast! Please do not let this season pass. I beg you to not let a day go by that you do not have that same confidence or share it with someone you love that doesn't. We have lost one of the most precious souls on this earth....DO NOT LET IT BE IN VAIN! Worship and adore his God, give and receive the peace that passes all understanding.

Thank you again for all who prayed, searched, hoped, gave, and sacrificed....we are proud to call you family.

Joe

2009-11-09T00:33:00.000-06:00

I know this is my first post in a while....having a hard time being clever.
Check out Joe's blog. www.findjoehouston.blogspot.com
Blessings to you all!

This little piggy went "WHEEEE" all the way home.

2009-05-05T13:03:00.001-05:00

This weekend, I casually asked Nick if he needed or wanted anything (i.e., a drink or food) and he gave his usual quip response, "A week off with pay would be nice".

Well, I'll be darned if he didn't get what he wanted. The school district closed for over a week due to so many cases of "possible" swine flu, not even confirmed cases.

Quick, someone ask me what I want.....(it seemed to work well in his favor).

Oh and that is NOT Kya kissing the pig, although when I was sent this picture I had to do a serious double-take. Yes, the baby oddly resembles my curly-haired cutie, but the fact that I let her do this to dogs is what threw me. Yes, it's disgusting, yes, probably dangerous. But it's just so dang cute when she does it and she is so giggly and happy (and the dog usually is too) that I can't help myself from letting her have a few smoochies. I justify it by the fact that I had a fourth grader two years ago win at the science fair proving once again, that dogs have cleaner mouths than humans. I wonder if this is true of pigs. Ah, I'd probably let her kiss a pig too....AFTER the piggy flu is over!

Thought while running today...

2009-04-27T15:32:00.000-05:00

A blog as per request by my Mamma:

He (a.k.a. God) is the thief of my heart.

Now, if only I could find the thief of the "boogie-sucker", I'd be really be eternally grateful (ok, maybe just really, really happy).

Happy Week to you all!

If you think you've had a bad day....

2009-04-16T11:30:00.000-05:00

I'm sure I can beat it...or at least be somewhat comparable.

***WARNING***
This post will be T.M.I. If you are easily offended, DO NOT read on. If excrement of any kind does you in, you have been warned!!!!!

My story actually begins last night around 10:30 when we got home from a great time with friends. We had only thought we'd stay at their house for an hour, two tops. Ended up staying three +. I didn't put the puppy dogs in the bathroom for such a short time, just in our bedroom. Though they have handled this well for that stretch of time in the past....this time was different. I opened the door to let them out and saw what looked like a tub of water had been poured on my bed. I immediately looked up to the ceiling. Nope, we hadn't added a second story with the bathroom above our bedroom, the roof had not collapsed under the tormental rain that obviously was from a cloud measuring 5 feet in diameter directly over my house, and nope we still don't have a waterbed. I stood there shocked thinking how could a dog or even 3 dogs urinate that much??? A quick whiff told me they indeed had and of course, I had laid out all the delicates I had previously washed and hung to dry right smack in the middle of the soiled bed (If I smell like urine, I didn't pee on myself, it's probably my undergarments). I ripped off the comforter,sheets, and bed pillow to find that it had in fact soaked through to the mattress. So, Nick and I are tag teaming washing Kya and putting her to bed and getting the linens soaked and washed.

It was about this time that I noticed something odd on Kya's bathroom floor. What the @$*#^&??? ANTS! We are prone to them on the island....we are even more prone when daddy leaves a wet diaper in the bathroom trash can (um...hello? Diaper champ babe) and I leave a dirty outfit of Kya's in front of her door (so I wouldn't wake her from her by going in and putting them in the hamper). That or they could have possibly been going for the earless Easter bunny as well (read on to find out what this is). It doesn't take these little boogers long. There were probably 1,000 sugar ants marching ever so perfectly in two lines from a tiny whole in the hallway baseboard to the diaper laden trash can and the food soaked clothes. Hated to destroy such determination, but not really.

When we were getting ready for bed, I heard Nick say the two words I hate, "OH NO!" Oh yes, these sweet poochies of ours had found the box of the 10 inch white chocolate Easter bunny I had given Nick that he had only eaten the ears off of. It was on the bedside table, now it was on the floor, empty. So, as we are laying on the guest bed, I'm massaging the puppies tummies and Nick's researching the affects of white chocolate on canines until two in the morning. Turns out, not as bad as regular chocolate. Number one symptom...excessive urination. Case solved.

Nick had to leave early for work this morning, so I thought I'd sleep just a little bit longer. Apparently, Olly's digestive tract thought otherwise because I woke up to the nastiest poof of flatulence on my face and causing my hair to flutter up. It was definitely time to get up!

Thinking that it was good I had gotten up so I could work on reports...Kya decides to wake up over an hour and a half early. Enough Said!

When I bring Kya to the kitchen to do our morning routine she has her hand so far in her mouth, I briefly considered entering her in a "freak talent" contest. Quickly remembered that she has been trying to cut teeth (she likes to do this in bulk, 3 or 4 at a time-so it's EXTRA miserable all at once. Isn't she sweet?). I put her in her high chair and though I've never actually seen the movie, clips from Exorcist really were being reenacted right here in my dining room. Kya was throwing her head back in fourth in circles, spewing her milk, slinging snot, waving her hands in the hair or throwing them in her mouth. I shoved teething tablets into her mouth when she did the open mouth screaming and hand flying. Nothing...still seems possessed. Food wasn't working, milk wasn't working, water wasn't working, even ice wasn't working! I broke down and gave her Tylenol. Said a prayer and just watched the show while drinking my Instant Breakfast (with whole milk-yuck!).

Exactly 7 minutes later, the demon of teething left her tiny body and she looked at me, tilted her head, smiled and said, "more". I didn't know whether to laugh, cry, or seriously consider an exorcism. As I'm basking in the first sounds of peace and am feeding my sweet Kya yogurt, I hear another sound. Is that...wretching? I look to the couch. So, it was Olly who ate the white chocolate bunny! Olly's so thoughtful too, he yakked all over Nick's shirt rather than the couch or floor. I scooped up the vomit polo and shook it out in the sink. Chunks of partially digested white chocolate, dog food, and ???? combined with the smell of it caused me to blow my own chunks on the shirt as well. I DON'T DO PUKE!!! Kya didn't get anymore yogurt, we switched to fruit.

So, teething toddler gets distracted easily, but quickly loses interest when her gums burn. So, we fed the fish, played with toys, danced, etc....when all that failed to distract her for more than 2 minutes, I went to my last resort, the "go-to". I'm sure every mother has one and every one's is different. I actually have two: The Wiggles and a shower/bath. Figuring I could kill two birds with one stone, I'd get my shower in with her. So, my happy little lamb is blissfully playing in the shower while I held her. She only whimpered a few times, but quickly forgot when we'd "taco tongue" the shower water into our mouths and blow "zerberts" on each other's neck.

All of a sudden, Kya lets out one really big whimper and a slight scream, I'm thinking her hand is caught in a bundle of toys in the frog pod. I'm not sure which came first, the sound, the smell, or the feeling of a giant poo-poo ball rolling down my side and leg before landing on the shower floor. I'm frozen in shock (obviously, I'm not quick to react at shocking situations and freeze-up instead). I was shaken out of my mouth ajarred position when I felt, "blump, blump". Two more little presents, then Kya saying "ahewe" (in toddler terms, "Wow, I feel much better"). I stood up slightly yelling in a high pitched mommy tone, "bath all done, time to rinse off". The baby did not like this and pulled her "go-to" move by laying her head on my chest and singing to me. She rarely does this for Nick and I, therefore, we eat it up when she does. So, instead of getting out of the fecal-filled bathtub, I just hold my precious angel and sway enjoying every second of this bliss. Then, the smell overpowered me. I looked down and realized we oddly resembled some sort of tribunal sacrifice with Kya's three poodle orbs encircling my feet. I maneuvered both of us out of the tub, into towels, and got my sweet, excrementing tyke into bed for a nap.

This was all before noon.

Notes to Self

2009-04-13T15:10:00.000-05:00

Notes to self (e.g., lessons I've learned this week):

1) Blackberries and 14 month olds...not an advisable(or clean)combination. Just F.Y.I.
They do stain...EVERYTHING!

2) Wal-Mart + Corpus Christi + Easter Day = the end of the world as you know it!

3) Giving an 86 year old a manicure will make her act 70 years younger, sass and all.

4) If your toddler pulls the box of cheerios out of the pantry and you don't put it away before you go on a bike ride with her....your three dogs will eat the ENTIRE box of cheerios (and some of the box), then lay around all day with giant bellies. (side note..somehow they still have enough appetite to lick said baby's face off after her lunch though.)

5) Telling your husband how much you enjoy him working out in the garage is great for his ego (even if your real reason in doing so is because it has made him take more showers).

6) DO NOT...I repeat, DO NOT do the following: a) be too prideful to buy an appliance from scratch and dent...or to spray paint your vent hood to match(it really did turn out looking great!) b) assume that since you work all day, everyday being a stay at home mom that when the husband has off will mean you'll get a day off sometime in there too. This will not happen! c) invite ten people over for a special Easter dinner without having any food and needing to grocery shop the day of Easter (see point 2). d) take your blessings for granted for one millisecond. :)

Dream Come True

2009-03-31T12:20:00.000-05:00

You know that list that we all have (some in our heads)of things we just have to do/accomplish/see before we die? Well...I actually get to cross one of my list items off. Sunday night I got to be my dad's date to the broadway production of "Les Miserables".
Now, I know some of you may find broadway or musicals lame or boring (A-hem, my husband), but I have found them captivating. I can sing at least one song from most musicals/operas, and I know most of you are probably thinking what an incredible dork I am for that. However, it gets worse...in high school, I would come home from church on Sundays and sing to my broadway c.d.s for hours. I discovered Phantom of the Opera and fell in love (that is the other one I have to see before I die)and learned every word to the entire play. Then when I was 16, I discovered Les Miserables and thought I had died and gone to heaven. I absolutely LOVED the song "On My Own" sung by Éponine and immediately was drawn to her love sick character. It was so bad that I still know the exact time on each track of the c.d. that Éponine's character begins to sing. So, getting to actually see this amazing show live (and well-done) was just more than I could ask for. Thank you to my dad for being my date and the great time we had. Thank you to my mom for giving me her ticket AND watching Kya while I was there.
I hope all of you get to cross something off your list soon.

Hear Ye, Hear Ye

2009-02-26T15:58:00.000-06:00

Official Announcement:
I am hereby revoking Chicago's nickname "The Windy Cindy" and bestowing it upon it's rightful owner, Corpus Christi, Texas!
**This is being done because for about the hundredth time (this year), I have been running against the wind only to be going a slower pace than a 95 year old with arthritis. Congratulations Corpus, it is blogofficial!

It's a beautiful day!

2009-02-17T18:23:00.000-06:00

The pictures describe my last six months (the top being today, the bottom sometime in August).
For the first time in the last seven months or so, I finally had a "GREAT" day!!! I've been wondering if there was ever one in store for us, but lo and behold the day after questionining whether or not my precious Lord was watching out for us...He answers quickly, wholly, and fully! Shame on me for ever questioning my awesome God!

GENEROSITY

2009-02-11T00:04:00.000-06:00

So, I've been wanting to write this blog for a long time, but haven't. It is long overdue! It is in dedication to all those people who continue to be generous and giving in spite of everything. Now, I know there are plenty of people around the globe practicing kindness and generosity, but what I choose to focus on are those who have done so in my life in the recent months.

1) My parents (this includes my mother in law). They continue to help their kids out even though we are grown and we don't ask. It's like they have a sixth sense about what and when we are in need of something.

2) Jennifer Lankford, Adde Cowan, Amy Peterson, and various others (family, friends, and neighbors included) that have clothed and entertained my child. She is now a one year old and we have not bought her one single item of clothing or toy (with the exception of the dollar maracas we got her at Christmas). Now Nick and I may sound really mean to our Kya, but we literally have not had to buy anything because she is so well stocked! It is a huge blessing, seeing as how we could never afford to buy any of these. The most amazing part is that these people have REALLY good taste and my daughter wears finer, fancier clothes than most Hollywood babies and plays with the COOLEST toys!

3) Neighbors- They have supplied piano studios, medical reporting, diapers, and lots of sweet treats! I don't know if I could ever move away from these wonderful people.

4) Family (some are not "blood" relatives, but close enough)-who have made Kya's first Christmas and birthday collectively memorable and exciting! All of those who came out to the middle of nowhere to celebrate a one year old's "pink barn" birthday party are just amazing to me! Thanks AGAIN to the grandparents for helping out so much financially and with everything else.

5) Shea Baxter V.-Shae and I grew up together in Midland. We haven't seen each other in probably 15 years, but have reconnected thanks to Facebook. Shea randomly saw on Facebook that we were going to have a carnival themed party for Kya this coming weekend. Shea emailed me and offered to send all of her materials from her child's carnival themed party. I asked if I could buy it and she said no. What Shea didn't know was that Nick and I weren't quite sure how we were going to manage to have a party due to funds. I show up at the post office today where they "drag" a HUGE box around the corner. This box contained pretty much everything we needed for the party. How does a girl who knows me so little now is willing to take the time and money to be so incredibly kind and generous? I'm baffled!

6) Misc.- Those people who continue to to randomly bless us for no reason. Whether it be a random gift, a painting for Kya, referring piano students, supporting my business, giving us their wisdom, and generally blessing our socks off!

I have been hesitant to write this because in no way would I want anyone's charity or pity. Struggling financially has proven to be a blessing in a lot of ways. It has shown us the true importance of things in life and to recognize the goodness of others. I think we had gotten so used to being the ones who "treated" and "gave", that it became more about us and less about God. Not to mention that I get to spend every single day with the MOST amazing little girl who I witness grow and become smarter, cuter, and more precious!

I am humbled and grateful!

Dear Blogosphere,

2009-01-29T12:54:00.001-06:00

I know I have neglected you.
I had really good intentions of coming back to you, but time, energy, life, baby, all got in the way.
I am making a vow to be more faithful, if you could somehow make her naptimes longer that would help.
The little one awakes, I must go...too quick to catch up yet again!
Soon, very soon.
Until then,
happy blogging

A game of Tag

2008-12-09T12:35:00.000-06:00

I was tagged by Abby to list the 5th pic from my 5th folder. This is a picture that my bestie Jennifer took of my sweet furry babies (who I'm so mad at for waking the non-furry baby up all day yesterday) the month before I had Kya. The idea was that this would be my focal point during labor. HA! Nick kept telling me look at the puppies and I wanted to scratch my eyeballs out (or his). Still, it's a beautiful picture!

I was also tagged by Abby to share 7 random facts about ourselves that people may or may not know.

Here we go:
1. "Domestic Diva":
I never thought these kinds of things were all that important, until I got older. Now, I absolutely LOVE cooking, gardening, sewing, and hosting. I am not all that great at any one of them, but I'm trying to get better with all. I get a serious high off a clean house, a day of yard work, an oven with a roast,a shirt stitched up, and friends on the way. I would have made an excellent 50's wife, no doubt.

2." Mission Field Wimp"
I would love to be a missionary, in fact I know that God has called me to be on the mission field one day. I really in my heart of hearts would be happy the rest of my life feeding the hungry, holding the dying, educating the poor, etc. I want Kya to be raised with these core values and I want to live a life less ordinary. However, the three things that hold me back: My extended family, my dogs, and my insatiable love of hot showers.

3. "Freaky Phobic"
I have a really weird phobia that only a few people know about. It's kind of hard to describe. Anything that is "embedded". It can be rocks stuck randomly in a cement wall, those frogs with the eggs on their back (oh my gosh, I'm losing it just talking about this). The only explanation I can think of (I didn't know about this until a year ago when my mom told me, I've had this phobia for years) is that when my mom was pregnant with me, she had a nightmare that she was covered in sesame seeds under her skin. It haunted her so bad, she wouldn't let my sister watch sesame street for months. Something about the thought and the word just makes me freaked out. Okay, I have to go throw up now.

4. "Rah, Rah, Rah"
A lot of people know that I was a cheerleader from junior high through college (a couple years off here and there-I was a mascot a couple of times too). What some of you don't know is my love/hate relationship with cheerleading. I wanted to be a cheerleader from the time I can remember. They were superstars in my eyes, and I have no idea why. It was my dream in life. Something about the rhythmic nuances of chants and cheers, the jumping, dancing, being thrown through the air...it's exhilerating! I never quite fit in with the cheerleaders though, I was always kind of on my own (until Tamara in high school and a few girls in college). The hate part, there are some REALLY mean cheerleaders out there! I've seen them and been in their wrath (i.e., being told the wrong uniform on purpose). I even married a man who loathed cheerleaders. And seriously, who decided that these girls needed to be practically naked? I remember coming back from Samoa as a missionary in college (where you weren't allowed to show your shoulders or legs) and my coach handing my new and improved uniform top... that was missing the bottom 6 inches. Would I let my daughter be a cheerleader? I don't know, I doubt it. If they had a cheerleading squad for 30 + year olds, would I join? NO DOUBT!

5. "And the winner is...DORK!"
So, I was a cheerleader, but an outcast of one. I have always been somewhat awkward in social situations and get intimidated by elitist. For some weird reason though, I was voted a class favorite every year in high school, and homecoming queen my senior year. Now, this may seem like I am boasting, but I really am not. You see, I am a HUGE dork! Like, the biggest! I think I went to ONE party in high school. I didn't hang out with the "popular kids", I wasn't in the "in" crowd. I just typically like everyone,unless they are mean. So, the lesson here: Being a nice person is more important than status. I hope I can teach Kya that. Poor thing will have to grow up with a goober of a mom.

6. "Do-Over"
If I could go back to my senior year in high school (ah...good times) and know then what I know now, I would do the following: 1) Study a lot more and make better grades 2) Not be such an immature brat (a.k.a. treating really good people not so good) 3) Follow my dreams. What dreams, you say? I would absolutely love to do one of the following for a career: a) Be a National Geographic Photographer (I'm no good at pictures, but I'd love to learn how and travel the world doing it). b) Become a farmer (the dairy kind where no animals are hurt and I can ride a horse). c) Be a rockstar!

7. "WATCH OUT"
Those who do know me, then you should know this little fact: I am a world class klutz! I run into walls, trip on my own feet, fall out of my chair. You name it, I've done it (and probably in the most socially embaressing moment possible). If I try to be sexy, it is laughable (my friend's favorite story of mine is when I tried to do that whole "dip your foot in the swimming pool move" in front a cute boy years ago and ended up slipping, straddling the the pool deck and the water and banging my head on the ground.) Yep, I gave up on sexy and smooth years ago.

I now tag: Adde, Jennifer, Becky, Mom, and anyone willing to share.

Cat-Scratch Fever a.k.a. Stretch Marks

2008-12-07T15:15:00.000-06:00

When I was pregnant, I was one of those really annoying women who boasted about how I didn't have stretch marks with a big irritating smile on my face. Well, the Lord continually humbles me and did so again after Kya was born.
You see, the stretch marks came AFTER the stomach was stretched to capacity, then released. Much like a rubber balloon; after you blow them up...it's just never quite the same.
I got stretch marks on my stomach....bad! It really looked as though the government had created a new torture technique; dropping a feral cat down one's shirt while spraying the feline with water. And I was the test dummmy in this experiment.
Yes, I put lotion on nearly every day of my pregnancy and afterwards, you mean women who insist on that being the reason you didn't get called into the torture chamber.
So, for my 30th birthday, I bought "Bio-Oil". I'd seen advertisements, so I thought "why not".
Holy Crap! This stuff freakin' worked! In less than a month, my stretch marks were hardly detectable. Well, don't go sniffing my belly button or anything to look, but they are a far cry than before! I am still using it and hoping that the rest will fade into a complete oblivion.
If you are a sufferer of stretch marks anywhere...try it. If not, I loath you! (ok, not really. I just hate that your genetics in this area are better than mine).
I don't need "battle scars" to prove Kya's mine. I do however, want to possibly wear a bikini again...someday.
p.s. The above picture is my best effort at being a spokes model. I am SO glad the good doctor gave me some reports, I seriously was having too much time on my hands!

Watch Out Martha!

2008-12-03T23:23:00.000-06:00

So, being the broke bloke that I am, I have to use my creative capacities in all areas. Upon taking out the Christmas decorations this year, my faithful wreath my mom made 7 years ago was quite literally falling to bits in my hands. So, I knew I didn't have the money to buy a new one nor materials to spruce up this one (get it..spruce...spruce pine...oh, never mind).
Rummaging through the dresser known as my arts and crafts mall, I found the following supplies: shredded bandanas (from making necklaces with my students), puffy balls, ribbon, hemp, and jingle bells. I used the original wreath (R.I.P.) and "TA-DA". It definitely fits my personality.

Lighten up!

2008-12-02T14:50:00.001-06:00

Okay, my last post was so serious I couldn't stand not lightning the mood a little. Confession:
I decided to steal pretty flowers from a neighboring house while I was running and put them in my kitchen. Truth be told, every time I run by this house I take 3. I have just never seen hibiscus this color before and they last forever! So, I'm sure now when they see me coming they're thinking, "here's the crazy, flower-stealing jogger lady". Aww...aren't they so worth it?

Growing Pains

2008-12-02T08:59:00.000-06:00

I am being stretched, pulled, manipulated, and banged up all in the name of the Lord. At least I think.
You see, resigning from my job was not ever an option for me. One morning I woke up and felt the Lord was putting it heavy on my heart to resign and teach piano. I prayed fervently about this decision and felt completely at peace with it, as did Nick. However, our finances now are saying something quite different. We haven't been this strapped since grad school. We are still tithing faithfully and without question. To non-tithers I know this sounds crazy to think of giving money away when you are the poor family who needs it, but it is God's money and it is an act of obedience and faithfulness (thanks Becky for the awesome book we've learned so much from). No, this is not financially strapped, like "oh darn...meager Christmas this year". It's the kind of "oh crap, I hope we don't foreclose on our house".
With all the stuff going on with Nick's parents and the toll it's taking on him, it's any wonder he gets up in the morning. There is very minor drama in my family, fortunately it's all about reconciliation type things...that's a positive, just taxing.
It has always been a habit of mine to think that if I am being obedient to the Lord in an area, He will automatically bless that area (i.e., tithing, purity, etc.), but that isn't how it works...the blessing is supposed to come from being obedient. OUCH!
I have been crying out asking where God is in all of this, only to have it smack me upside the head yesterday that He is right here (duh!). If this is my "valley", then am I really complaining (this is nothing)! If I can't trust in the Lord during this time, how will I be able to when times are harder. It's so easy to love and praise Jesus when our lives are feeling blessed and full, how much more powerful and growing is it to do so when we are feeling stripped? This is an elementary concept, yet hard for me to keep in mind. I just got done sending Adde Jeremiah 29:11, when typing I realized how applicable it is to my own life right now. "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. This verse pulled me through the hardest thing we've been through (losing the first baby) and look at the blessing that came afterwards!
So, in this season of growing and deepening of our faith, please pray for our attitudes towards Christ above all....and if you'd like you can pray we sell the boat or Ed McMahon shows up at our door.

Harvard, here she comes

2008-11-26T10:58:00.001-06:00

We don't work on her ABC's or numbers. However, being the ever so diligent,mindful,thought-provoking mother that I am, it should come as no surprise that we do practice "taco tongue" at least 82 times a day.
Wonder if the Ivy Leagues consider this a pre-requisite?

New fave???

2008-11-25T02:12:00.000-06:00

So, I was playing on itunes tonight and accidentally ran into a songwriter of a song that I love and have been wanting to download ("I'm Yours"). So, I started listening to Jason Mraz's music and was really impressed! He is our modern day Sinatra or something other great, jazzy icon. It doesn't hurt that he toured with Jewel,who just happens to be the greatest singer/songwriter of all time in my personal opinion.
So, I told Nick, this Jason Mraz might be one of my new faves. Check him out and see if you like too (Look for him on my playlist at the bottom of the blog).
(Oh yeah, did I mention he's slightly dreamy...I can say this considering my husband admitted tonight to never reading my blog.)

I thought I was having fun.....

2008-11-23T17:55:00.000-06:00

So the other day Jason said something along the lines of, "now you're a brunette". I have to say, it took me off guard. How dare he??? I'm a blonde, dang it! Then, I saw this picture of myself a day later and realized, he was right. My friend Micah recently told me that my long blonde hair was my "signature". I've lost my haircolor and my signature? Are you kidding me?
It all started about six years ago when I first got married and we were both in grad school. We were so broke, buying groceries was a luxury, so things like salons/haircolor were out the window. So, after years of my dad telling me to go natural, I did. I liked it. My hair felt healthy and "real"for the first time in ten years. No more "roots" showing (as my mom liked to nag me about).

Growing up, I idealized the beauty of blondes. Weren't they always the "beautiful women" in videos and movies (i.e., Christie Brinkley and the chick from the "cherry pie" video). I had thought that was the epitome of beauty.

Now, I'm on the other side of the color spectrum trying to digest this new role for myself. Brunette. I guess it's better than "dirty blonde" or "dishwater blonde" (I always hated those terms! Um..GROSS). Does this mean I can now tell blonde jokes with no guilt? So, now I guess I need to look to Kelly Kapowski and the chic from "weird science" (Hey, who doesn't think of the 80's for beauty icons?). They were brunette and beautiful!

I seriously thought about dying my hair blonde again, but once again groceries are luxury (due to Ms. Kya and with me staying home), so I swallow my pride and accept the color God's graced me with. Gentleman may prefer blondes and blondes may have more fun, but.....okay I'm still trying to figure that out.

Hypocrite

2008-11-19T00:15:00.000-06:00

Why do men insist that playing "shoot 'em up, bang, bang" games are a good use of their time? I mean...come on!
I gotta go, I have catch up on facebook.

Rub-a-Dub-in a dirty tub? Don't think so!

2008-11-12T00:48:00.000-06:00

So, I gave Kya her first "real" bath by herself in the tub tonight (Yes, I am one of those weird moms that showers with her baby nightly. Dr.'s orders for bonding when breastfeeding became impossible). I first rinsed and washed the tub as best I could, then put a towel down so her precious, perfect, soft baby bottom does not have to touch the bottom of the tub (those of you who have bathed a child over the age of 6 months are laughing hysterically, I'm sure). During her bath, my mind was 75% enjoying her squeals of excitement and 25% on "oh my gosh, there is a mystery hair on the side of the tub 4 inches away from my baby".
I purposely washed my bathing beauty in the guest bath, thinking it is used the least (by guests and the occasional surfer), but it still was not clean enough!
I scrubbed my bathroom down last week, the kind of scrub where a toothbrush is involved and upon finishing you're on a disinfectant high. Yet, one week later all I can see is "dirty" way too close to where I'm trying my hardest to get clean. So, I bathed with my eyes half closed (not recommended during shaving).
Granted, I live with a boy and that never helps the clean factor. However, all these years I thought my sister was the one with the OCD tendencies, not me (just ask my parents). Maybe that is part of the reason I bath Kya with me because I know she won't be touching ANY bathroom surface.
I seriously should seek help about this, right after I clean my bathroom again.

Overnight Stalker via Feedjit!

2008-11-11T08:29:00.000-06:00

So, I saw this Feedjit thing on my friend's blog and thought that was really cool, so I installed it. Now, every time I go to mine or Kya's blog I can't help but see it. I feel so guilty, like I'm spying on people looking at my blogs. It doesn't give exact names, just locations (unless you come from your own blog I think). This oogie feeling just comes over me every time I see it, yet I don't want to take it off, because it is kind of neat knowing somebody has seen your blog (even if it is only one person, thanks Adde)! Do I have insecurity issues or something? I don't need to know someone's looked. Yet, I don't have it in me to take it off.
Sick...that's what I am. It all starts with blogger stalking, I'm sure.

Interesting...

2008-11-10T15:39:00.000-06:00

I finally made the connection. I must be hormonal if the only acceptable thing in the fridge to eat for lunch is 6 month old cake icing. Very interesting.

Poor neglected child

2008-11-09T12:52:00.000-06:00

Apparently, this is what happens when you are sitting a foot away from your nine-month old, updating her blog while she is left to her own accord to eat breakfast. I'm sorry munchkin. Okay, we're going to go play now.

Turning 30

2008-11-08T23:59:00.000-06:00

I turned 30 in September and it well...SUCKED!!!!
I have always loved birthdays and have never had a problem getting older, but this birthday was hard. I'm better now (hence, able to actually write about it), however I wasn't, and this is what I had to read that morning to get me out of bed (I was reminded when I sent it to a friend who turned 30): Written by Andy Rooney~
As I grow in age, I value women who are over 30 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:

A woman over 30 will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, “What are you thinking?” She doesn’t care what you think.

If a woman over 30 doesn’t want to watch the game, she doesn’t sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And, it’s usually something more interesting.

A woman over 30 knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is, what she is, what she wants and from whom.

Few women past the age of 30 give a damn what you might think about her or what she’s doing.

Women over 30 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won’t hesitate to shoot you, if they think they can get away with it.

Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it’s like to be unappreciated.

A woman over 30 has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women friends. A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best friend because she doesn’t trust the guy with other women.

Women over 30 couldn’t care less if you’re attracted to her friends because she knows her friends won’t betray her.. Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 30. They always know.

A woman over 30 looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not true of younger women or drag queens. Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 30 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.

Older women are forthright and honest. They’ll tell you right off if you are a jerk if you are acting like one! You don’t ever have to wonder where you stand with her.

Yes, we praise women over 30 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it’s not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed hot woman of 30+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year-old waitress. Ladies, I apologize.

tawny's thoughts

2008-11-04T09:08:00.000-06:00

So, I started this blog months ago. Thought I would need an outlet for my own thoughts, not just Ms. Kya's updates. I got inspired by Adde's interesting thoughts. I do have all these thoughts, however the time just wasn't there. Never posted a single thing. Saying this, I am now beginning my first post. Nothing in specific.

Today is voting day, I think I'll go vote. You're supposed to get a free Starbucks for doing so. Isn't that sad? That is what is inspiring me? When the choices seem bleak and you have a million thoughts in your head about political issues, it boils down to...free coffee (excuse the pun).

Kya is talking on her baby monitor because due to the time change, her body is saying it's 10:00 wake up time. I'm trying my hardest to will her back to sleep for an hour.

Know something cool I figured out today? We have been recycling for only about 3 months now. Nick was using our recycling bin as a garage trash can. After stealing it from the garage (and cleaning it, yuck), I began my recycling journey. I had no idea how addictive it could be. Everything is now, "is this recyclable? No? It should be?" What a great service this city provides and I have been missing it for four years. Well, last time we separated our bin out for them, those nice men actually put the bin right at my front door for me. I did it again this morning, let's see if it works. Anyway, what I figured out today was by recycling we have gone from putting the trash can on the curb for pick up twice a week (overloaded) to once a week (almost full). That's with adding another person (and all her dirty diapers). Isn't that amazing? I thought so.

I'm going to post my myspace blogs here:

Somewhere over the Rainbow.....my love
Current mood: loved
Category: Religion and Philosophy
July 2006
Somewhere over the rainbow, there waits my love. I've come to the frightening conclusion that it's really not about me in life. I'd like to think that I always knew this, but to be honest...it's never been more real. When I was a little girl, I loved rainbows and the mythical thought that there really was something on the other side..pot of gold, leprechauns, I wasn't exactly sure. I just knew I wanted to get there someday. As we get older, fantasies become less imaginative and creative. Working with kids everyday, I'm reminded of play time and make believe and it brings me to a great place in the storage of my memories. This universe is vast, I am but a speck of wind. Yet, there is something...or rather someone on the other side of that rainbow waiting for me. He is...my love. My one true love, the one my heart hungers and my soul thirsts for. He is my savior and my friend. He is Jesus. It is far greater than a pot of gold or folklore, He is the "mystery" that I try to unravel with each pull of His holy yarn. I have always loved this man, for as far as I can remember, but never realized His immense love for me until recently. I stopped looking to others for my total fill, and reached for the one hand I know best. I want to honor Him, make Him smile and laugh, I want to please Him. Not because I am supposed to or because that's what a "good Christian" does, but because he is my master and I am made to love Him. I have always known the answer to the infamous televangelist question, "If you died tomorrow, would you go to heaven?" But what about now, what about my daily ins and outs? Here is what I've come to. I want to honor Him with:

My mouth - my tongue is my greatest tool, how I use it He tells me is what's important. Am I bringing up people or tearing them down? Do I kiss the lips of fools who bear nothing but hate and gossip? Does my mouth drip with love not only for Him, but for His people? Do I whisper sweet words of encouragment to my betrothed, words of wisdom to the young, and words of comfort to the hurting? Am I asking my lover to forgive me when I hurt Him? I want my voice to be that of angels whispering, singing, shouting the unconditional love our Father has to offer everyone.

My mind-I don't judge the homeless, homosexuals, or heathens. That's God's job, I tell myself and stay out of such arguments. I do, however, tend to judge the people I need most, my fellow believers. In a bit of irony, in their judgement of others. I need to embrace everyone with the arms of Christ. It is an amazing concept when you look at those around you and tell yourself, "God loves that person so much and they are His child." Does my mind stay pure and blameless? Would my husband, mother, or lover be proud if my thoughts were posted on a billboard?

My body- The body I worry about on a daily basis...will my butt get smaller, will I be able to bear children, will I ever be able to do something great physically? My body is for my lover and to the man He sent for me to be one with. I want to use every inch of these organs, tissue, and bones to glorify the One who made me wholly perfect. I want to take care of it, I want to push it to it's limits in a good way. I want to take it all over the earth to hold peple who are dying or unloved. I want to be choicest of morsels to my husband who is a co-owner of it. Yes, this pleases my love.

My soul-It is well...no matter what comes to pass, it is well. I want this to be my banner. It is well, my lover still loves me past all of my flaws, sins, and shames. When the world turns against me, will I be okay with just He and I? (wise question my mom asked me in high school). Do I not claim this lover of mine, only to forsake Him for the ways of the world? Is He not more worthy? Someone I knew once wrote, "who you are when no one else is around, is your character." My soul longs to be one-faced, shining in the light of my lover's soul. We are connected through the spirit, is there anything greater? My passion is to dive into the God-breathed words and never come up for air. It is well with my soul.

So, that is why somewhere over the rainbow, my lover is waiting. He is my fantasy and reality. He is waiting with open arms and a smile. How I long to run into His embrace and kiss His face. He is home....In the words of Simon and Garfunkel "Home where my love is waiting...for me."

The road to Babyhood
Current mood: ecstatic
Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes
August 2007
If you are reading this, you have probably figured out that we are expecting a baby on Valentine's day! It has been a long, hard, disappointing, growing experience for us. It started about 3 years ago when we decided that it was "time" to expand our clan. I told the Doctor I wanted to have the baby during Spring Break to coincide with our teaching schedule. Knowing what I know now, I see why he laughed out loud. We had a hard time figuring out why it wasn't working so easy for us. I ended up having a surgery in May of 2005 to "clean shop" in hopes of making us more fertile. No luck. After almost two years we decided that this summer (Juneish) we'd start fertility treatments to help us along.
Well, May 6th came around and I wasn't feeling myself. I took a test on the off chance I could be pregnant and Lo and Behold!!!! I WAS! I couldn't believe it. Nick and I were in shock! We went crazy getting every book at Barnes and Noble, planning out the next 20 years, and a nursery. Now, I know a lot of people find this "Taboo" to talk about which I can't understand. It happens to so many women and I just wanted someone to talk to who had been there. Only a couple of short days after finding out we were pregnant, I miscarried. It was AWFUL, tragic, and spiritually growing. I spent a lot of time crying, grieving, and surrendering. It was a huge self realization about how insignificant I am, and how GREAT God is! Instead of questioning Him, I embraced Him knowing only He was the everlasting arms that would bring true healing. Well, only a couple of short weeks later, we got pregnant AGAIN! I don't know how or why, but it is not for me to question. I am only just SO grateful that God thought us worthy enough to be parents. I am humbled, excited, nervous, and wordless!
I have been SO sick all summer. I can count on one hand the number of days I didn't throw up this summer. It hasn't helped we've had mandatory water boil because e. coli and other nasties in our city water. Every time I get sick though, it is a reminder that the miracle of life is happening right here inside my tired, and unworthy body. It has been an amazing experience in our marriage as well. Nick has stepped up taking over all responsibilities and holding my hair back and bringing me crackers in bed. He's amazing!
Please pray for us as we are embarking on a new journey that we do justice to this gift we're borrowing and that we are able to share a lot of love with others and with God through this child.

Woah baby!
Current mood: fascinated
Category: Life

Well, it's official...we're parents!!!
We started the induction process last Wednesday evening. At first, not too bad. The next morning when the doctor broke my water, all ______ broke too! There are not words to describe the physical pain of labor! I went in thinking I was going to do childbirth the "natural" way. Well, there is nothing "natural" about wanting to claw your your eyeballs out and climb the walls. At this point, I was dialated to 6 cm. The nurse came in and said, "it's only going to get worse, do you want an epidural?" Was there any question....YES!!!!!! During the epidural, Nick almost passed out watching. The nurses had to get him juice and stick his head between his legs. It was SO cute! I'd gladly take a giant needle in my back a hundred times over a contraction. So, after 21 hours of labor and 2 hours of pushing, our sweet baby Kya was born. She weighed 7 lbs. 9 oz. and was 21 inches long. However, during the labor I lost a lot of blood and had to have a DNC done right afterwards. The doctors wouldn't release me with my blood counts, then looking at Kya, realized she had severe jaundice and was dehydrated. I was exclusively breastfeeding and didn't realize my body was too busy making blood instead of milk. She had to go under the lights for 2 days straight and got more pin pricks and prods than we could stand. Saturday, we were told in that Kya wasn't getting better and that I had to have a blood transfusion. So, she spent all day Sunday in a "tanning bed" and I spent it getting blood. I cannot imagine people who have to see their babies go through so much worse, I don't think I could handle it!
Monday morning, we got one piece of good news after another. Kya's jaundice numbers finally dropped, she could go home, my numbers went up, I could go home!!! My parents had cleaned and disinfected our whole house and made it so welcoming!
So, now here we are...at home. More exhausted than I thought humanly possible. Struggling with breastfeeding and supplementing. Making sure this perfect being is breathing at all times and somehow trying to manage some sleep.
Thank you to everyone who prayed for us, sent loving thoughts our way, and came to meet her. We are VERY blessed! PRAISE GOD!!!